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TTI Halloween Special Part I: Tennis Goes to Hogwarts

In the first of TTI’s two-part Halloween Special, we’re sending the WTA and ATP Tours to Hogwarts, and deciding which players would end up in which of the school’s four houses.

Unfortunately the Sorting Hat fell into a coma attempting to decide on a house for one particular player:

Luckily we managed to get a couple of names out of him in advance.

“Prides itself on courage, determination, chivalry and strong will.”

Andrea Petkovic – Her intellect confused the hat for a minute and almost sent her to Ravenclaw. Her playful attitude almost got her into Hufflepuff. But the heart of a lion and courage post-injury woes settled her into Gryffindor.

Li Na – The strong-willed bird that stuck out. Quite probably one the most Gryffindor players to have held a racquet.

David Goffin – He is, let’s face it, tennis’s quintessential Harry Potter. Just look at him. The only things missing are the glasses and the scar.

“Values hard work, fair play, loyalty and kindness.”

Caroline Wozniacki – The sunshine on the WTA. For many, many reasons, this is the only right house for her.

Juan Martin Del Potro – No other ATP player hufflepuffs as hard as DelPo. No one.

Jo Wilfried Tsonga – Tsonga could have ended up in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw, but his career has been so Hufflepuff. I can’t even quite say what that means but that’s what it is.

“Prizes learning, wit, originality, individualism and creativity.”

Eugenie Bouchard – Another tough one for the hat, but Bouchard’s stark individualism – and her original groundstrokes –  saw her end up in Ravenclaw.

Ernests Gulbis – Although he has a mischeavous streak, it’s Gulbis’ brains and uniqueness that saw him end up in this house rather than another.

Benoit Paire – Surpremely talented, creative and witty on court. The house is waiting for him to uncover his true potential. (Warning: Might never happen)

“Resourceful, Clever and Cunning are those who end up in Slytherin, some of them even demonstrating leadership qualities.”

Anastasia Rodionova – According to eye-witnesses the hat barely even touched Rodionova’s head before it gasped, “SLYTHERIN.”

Liezel Huber – The hat double-bounced on her head after Hufflepuff students Vesnina and Mirza blackmailed it into sending her directly to Slytherin.

Fabio Fognini – Well…

Supporting Cast:

Moaning Myrtle: Jelena Jankovic – Sneezing and coughing for decades, complaining about everything.**

Hagrid: John Isner – Booted out of Hogwarts before being taught “The Art Of Returning” (a Year Three course).

Fleur Delacour: Maria Sharapova – Obvious is obvious.

Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall: Cliff Drysdale & Pam Shriver.

Did we miss anyone? Feel free to fire away in the comments section!

**Asserted with love

About René Denfeld (202 Articles)
Weather is my business. Tennis is my playground. Born in the year of the Golden Slam. Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have.

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